


The Fake Sound Of Progress

by geckoholic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-20
Updated: 2010-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-17 15:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/178256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/pseuds/geckoholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Sam still couldn't wrap his head around how they got to this point.</em> - 5.17 coda of sorts. There's also a <a href="http://justxusxtwo.livejournal.com/14004.html">counterpart of sorts</a> from Dean's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fake Sound Of Progress

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely akintay. ♥ All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Title is from "The Fake Sound Of Progress" by Lostprophets.

  
Sam laid still on his back, eyes to the ceiling, and didn't even try to fall asleep. It wasn't his idea to begin with, but Bobby insisted that he finally needed to close his eyes for a bit, even if it was just an hour or two. And one of the things Sam learned early on was that if Bobby Singer insisted on something? It was easier to just do it right away, because in the end, he would make you anyway.

But actually sleeping when Dean was out there, the final 'yes' on his lips or probably already been said, that wasn't going to happen.

He still couldn't wrap his head around how they got to this point. Sure, he got the why: Every straw they'd been trying to clutch at ended up slipping out of their hands. They'd tried and tried, fought tooth and nails for even a shimmer of hope, and it never came. Or, which was worse, appeared and faded away, time and time again. And all that dumped on Dean's shoulders alone - at least that was the way Dean would never stop seeing it - after he'd been wearing thin ever since hell anyway? Yeah, he got it.

What he didn't get was how fast things between the two of them had gone down the drain again. They were supposed to carry each other through this, push each other forward when they were about to give up hope and surrender. To do this _together_.

And they did, for a while. Up until running into Famine, Sam had thought they were making progress. Being brothers again, trusting each other. Becoming what they used to be, or probably something better, a team consisting of two equal partners. Baby steps, but they'd been getting there, slowly but surely.

He'd even dared to think that eventually, at some point, Dean would let him share the weight.

And then, some hunters showed up, shot them both dead, and they went to heaven. The irony of _heaven_ being the place where it all had gone south once more almost made him chuckle despite himself.

Sam couldn't help but to think that moments in heaven weren't solely of his own choosing. Fuck, with the angels being around he couldn't trust anything to happen without a reason, and as Zack said, they'd been on angel turf. The pattern behind it was too damn convenient to not have been manipulated to drive a wedge between them.

It wasn't like those moments weren't greatest hits for him - they were. But if he'd have to make a list, they wouldn't even be in his top ten. Except for the night he left for Stanford, maybe, but that was something he could never make Dean understand.

But Dean didn't listen to him anyway. Sam had tried to talk about it, to assure Dean that his family being out of the picture wasn't something that was required to make him happy, that the majority of his good memories involved Dean, and even Dad. A vain attempt, as it turned out. Dean had made up his mind, chosen to be hurt and see things the worst way, and there was no persuading him otherwise. Another thing that Sam had learnt very early: Dean Winchester's nothing if not stubborn.

Though, Dean might not have been the only one with a tunnel vision lately. When Joshua had pointed out how Dean didn't know if he'd be able to soldier through this time, Sam felt like someone had lifted a curtain. Because, he hadn't seen it. Looking back, he might have had registered the hints, but he hadn't put the pieces together, not even when Famine had practically done the math for him. He hadn't seen just how much his brother was falling apart, that he was running out of steam, losing the will to fight.

And really, if he hadn't realised that, what kind progress could they've been making?

Sam sighed and turned his head sideways to glance at the clock. Not even an hour since he had come up here, but that was all Bobby'd get. He sat up on the bed, pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers and made a vow. This time, he wouldn't be too late. History wouldn't repeat itself, he wouldn't fail to save Dean from himself, not again. He would get to him in time and stop him from surrendering.

And then they'd go and save the world.

  


  
_I'm well aware of how it aches,_  
And you still won't let me in.  
Now I'm breaking down your door,  
To try and save your swollen face.

**Placebo - A Song To Say Goodbye**   



End file.
